Hell-fizzle

Okay, I’m giving Constantine one more week to hit its stride and then I’m throwing in the towel. So far, my three complaints are:

1. I still don’t care about any of the characters. For most people, that’s kind of a biggie, but I generally give a show a bit more time before deciding on that.

2. Constantine’s “spells” are all Latin, basically prayers asking God to smite whatever demon he’s facing. Granted, demons are fallen angels, and in the comics, Constantine’s been known to offer them a swig of holy water if it’s handy. But Constantine’s supposed to be both anti-establishment and a wizard–he’ll draw on whatever works, and a lot of that is from traditions that have nothing to do with Christianity one way or the other. I’m getting the feeling that Fox wanted to do a show about a battle between Good and Evil but was uncomfortable with the anti-establishment trickster aspects that make Constantine interesting and left those on the cutting-room floor.

3. The Boobs of the Week. All the main characters, the ones who know what’s going on, are grown-up men. Into this sausage party, we throw one female a week who is pretty, very young, and a complete noob. Her job is to be impressed with Constantine so he looks cooler, and then get disposed of before she can level up. I seriously doubt we are going to see anyone like Zatanna–a confident magician with her own way of doing things–although we might get Gemma, Constantine’s niece and protege, as long as she’s old enough to be “blessed in the chest.”

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