Fear is good

One of the interesting things about Lyme was that it totally changed how my body processed fear. Fear always made me nauseous, sick-scared, as I called it. (Not fun, especially when your report card tends to arrive on your birthday. Hard to eat cake in that state.) With Lyme, that reaction was totally cut off. I’d know intellectually that I had a lot to worry about, but I wouldn’t feel that nauseous panic, I’d just do what I needed to do. In general this year, I’ve felt fairly numb, like I really didn’t have a stake in my own life, like I was sleepwalking.

But the Lyme doesn’t seem to be a factor anymore. I’ve had emotional ups and downs this weekend the likes of which I haven’t felt since high school. I just made a colossal screw up at work and boy, I could throw up my stomach lining right now. I’ve never felt so relieved to feel so awful; I’m definitely not sleepwalking right now.

Trying to look on the bright side of things…

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